Most Liberated woman

In 1972, Gay Talese, author of a book about Sex in America, sat for an interview with Playboy Magazine. Not surprisingly, Sandstone, John and I came up during the conversation, and Gay tagged me “the most liberated woman in America.” That was one accolade all my slaving away in capitalism could not win for me. Liberated…that sounds like freedom, right? As in freedom from growing up in Rural America, as in freedom from buying and selling, and—dare I say it—freedom from puritanical slavery to the traditional Western dictatorship of shame? Now there is a plaque I would be proud to hang on my wall!

I didn’t realize it at the time, but liberated describes me and our forty seven year marriage. Yes, you heard me—I did say “liberated” and “marriage” in one sentence that did not refer to divorce! Don’t laugh, folks, it’s possible. I’ve made it my mission in life to show you how and why.

To me, real liberation means individual freedom to make choices and decisions in life that are responsible, considerate, respectful, and caring. Not only for myself, but for maintaining the planet, and the effect on people I love, as well as the ones that love me. There I go messing with your mind again…I did say freedom and responsibility in the same sentence. If you’re wondering what I’ve been drinking, it’s iced tea, thank you very much, and you’re welcome to join me in a glass. Freedom and responsibility are not natural enemies. In fact, the key word is “natural”, and when you strive to put the nature back in human nature, not only do freedom and responsibility get along, so do marriage and liberation.

Along with a new lifestyle, I found it necessary to examine and adopt a new attitude and belief system. When the centuries old traditions, social attitudes, and perspectives fail to produce happiness and well being, it’s time for a change. Our lives have a limited time on earth so it is with a sense of urgency that we discover happiness, joy, and a positive attitude. The brain is the culprit that is interfering with the ability for us to enjoy living in a positive space. Actually, the brain feeds the “Ego” which gives us a false personality. It’s the brain that sends us out on shopping expeditions, travel, and seeking sex to distract us from fulfilling our spirit and soul needs.
Discovering the power path to the heart is the pathway to our true self. The heart has a magnetic field 500 times more powerful than our brain. We can trust our heart to show us our real self.

Entering a new lifestyle brings into question the outdated vocabulary we use to describe elements of our relationships. Example: Referring to our partner as a piece of property, this is “my husband or my wife”, is just plain wrong. Why not say the individuals name or if more of a label is necessary, say this is “my life partner or significant other.” That allows each person to maintain the dignity of being an individual. You can carry this ownership further: my house, my car, my furniture, my kids, etc. is used continually. Since it is impossible to literally own another person, why not trade it in for more positive descriptions. Otherwise, that mindset leads to negative feelings of alienation, jealousy, possessiveness, unhappiness, and distrust of one another.

The Sandstone membership marveled at the relationship John and I had built, and said they wished to have one like it. I told them it was possible and would simply take a strong commitment on their part to hang in there through the hard times. We worked hard to build trust, love, compassion, and equality into our relationship every day. We felt so confident and secure in our relationship that it was then easy for us to open our marriage and bring others into our bond. Our dream interdependent relationship allowed us complete freedom of choice and a healthy lifestyle. What could be better for a couple than to desire love and happiness for one another?

Embracing an Alternate Lifestyle

The Alternative Lifestyle

As a single and successful farm girl of 24, I managed to survive and thrive in the male dominated world of sales. I loved a challenge and took a position with a major corporation where I soon was a major player. Needless to say, my rise to prominence put a lot of men’s noses out of joint, and they made not-so-subtle suggestions to me that I should stay home and raise kids. I told them it was a great idea, and I could hardly wait to ignore it!

Yet even after establishing a stellar sales record and winning many awards, the so-called “American Dream” was looking more like a nightmare. I was working harder and living less. I found being cooped up in an office, no matter how spacious, was intolerable, so I would drive to see my clients. That presented another problem: suffering through the congestion on L.A. freeways at least three hours a day. Yes, I was independent and owned my business and could buy what I wanted, but this was not my idea of freedom or happiness.

When the pain of schlepping through this sterile, cold, dog eat dog environment began wearing me thinner than a one-sided dime, I knew I had to find a way out. This job was turning me into a robot, and I didn’t fight to leave one sort of zombie existence just to find another. I began to dream of a new and better way of life. I had the spunk and the motivation…all I needed was the method.

A short time thereafter I was on a sales appointment and met that mystical person, that sense of completion, in a man named John Williamson. I call him a man…he was more like an idea, a movement, a category of one. I came to sell him an insurance policy and he sold me a great destiny.
We found that we wanted the same things in life. So, with John’s engineering and problem solving background, we agreed to design and create an alternate lifestyle. We knew there would be controversy and our new ideas wouldn’t fly in the face of established religious beliefs and old cultural conditioning.

For me personally, I must embrace change and re-evaluate my principals. I was hesitant towards an alternate life style but, at the same time, I was seeing grand rewards. Towards a New Psychology of Being by Abraham Maslow provided us the knowledge that humans actually had a hierarchy of basic needs to be filled. Sex was near the top of the list.

So John and I created Sandstone Retreat. It was a dream for me that had come true. When I awoke, I found myself in a “back to nature setting”, a love community like the one described in Robert Heinlein’s book, Stranger in a Strange Land. We were all nude and practiced open sexuality without guilt or shame, and we were free from jealousy and possessiveness after shedding some raw emotion. Honesty, openness, and mutual respect were our garments, so we had little need for the curtain of privacy. Love is the most powerful emotion on the planet. It begins with learning to love ourselves, and it naturally follows that the love with us attracts the love of others. The rest takes care of itself.

An alternate lifestyle was attractive to our Sandstone membership. All shared in living a happier and healthier life with the opportunity to better understand ourselves. We learned how to be our true self (rather than a false ego personality) and grow into an inter-dependent person, and the best part was that we were sexually liberated.