LOST LOVE

kamasutraWell over a millennium ago, Indian Hinduism treated sex as an art, a science and a spiritual practice. It was not considered a remnant of some dark and ancient bestial behavior, but rather a civilizing force. As such they wrote extensive treatises on how to elevate their sexual potential.

The most famous pieces of Indian literature on sex are the Kamasutra (aphorisms on love) and the Kamashrastra (from kama “pleasure”, and shastra “skill”). This collection of explicit sexual writings, both spiritual and practical, covered most aspects of human courtship and intercourse. The Kamasutra is thought to have been written in its final form sometime between the third and fifth century AD, a period of Indian history when sex epitomized love, pleasure, synergy and happiness. It was a successful strategy, which begs the question why around the 11th or 12th century, India took a conservative turn toward decreased freedom for women and a proscription against premarital and extramarital sex. They wrote a new sex manual suitable for their new order.

In Jewish law, sex is not considered intrinsically sinful or shameful when conducted in marriage, nor is it a necessary evil for the purpose of procreation. Sex is considered a private and holy act between a husband and wife. The residue of sex (as with any lost bodily fluid) was considered ritually unclean outside the body, and required ablution. Perhaps this is how sex became cast as a dirty act, forming an imprint in our brain that must somehow be removed.

Christianity re-emphasized the Jewish attitudes on sexuality with two new concepts. First, there was the reiterated idea that marriage was absolutely exclusive and indissoluble, placing further guidance on divorce and expanding on the reasons and principles behind those laws.

Second, in Old Testament times marriage was almost universal, in continuity with the total matrimony in Eden, but in the New Testament, the trajectory is extended forward to the goal of no marriage in the new heavens and new earth (see Matthew 22). Practically therefore the new age after Jesus now has marriage as only normative, but celibacy is a valuable gift in and of itself.

In present time, it feels as though our free will and identities have been stolen from us. My understanding from birth has been that each of us has a free spirit and entitled to create and live a chosen fruitful life of discovery, adventure, productivity and happiness, without meddlers and the dictates of a false society. This period of an open attitude towards sex reflects love, pleasure, synergy and happiness in their culture.
It was necessary to have a sexual revolution and the reason we pioneered Sandstone Retreat, which became known as the hub of the sexual revolution.

In 1972 we went so far as to create the Sandstone Movie for viewers to look in on members happily living an alternate lifestyle. It just happened that our principals were in sync with Hindu principals and expression of an open attitude towards sex reflects love, pleasure, synergy and happiness in the culture. The Sandstone Movie (only one of a kind) has been re-released on https://www.indieflix.com site. Just go there register (free) and search for “Sandstone.” Enjoy this rare event.

What I learned from pioneering multiple relationships

polyamory

Feeling your Feelings
“The fastest way to freedom is to feel your feelings”
-Gita Bellin

Imagine a mirror that in every way is like a fun house mirror, except that its purpose is not to make you laugh—it is to make you weep. Its curves distort nudity into nakedness, desire into lust, friendliness into the slavery of seeking approval, and success into an addiction to work. It was a looking glass curved by ego, bent by culture, warped by shame. I had stared into that mirror far too long, until my inner self had begun to match the unflattering curves of the glass.

Before it was too late, I turned in horror and went in search of the real me. For good, bad, or ugly, I had to find my true face. And it was in rejecting the status quo—more particularly in building with John the sanctuary of Sandstone Resort, that I discovered my authentic and real self. John liked my real face, and he guided me—gently at times, insistently at others—to see it the way he saw it. Nakedness returned to nudity, lust to desire, and the work ethic into a sense of adventure.

We wrested a bit of breathing room away from the prevailing culture, a natural haven that would support a positive, alternate way of living, through the power path to my heart. The heart is five hundred times more powerful than our brain. It is less distracted and more focused.
Choosing to enhance our life experiences to include multiple relationships moved our daily lives into unchartered territory. For me, opening my heart and being honest with more than my primary relationship with John was difficult. We had carefully established trust and a strong bond with one another. Would I be able to trust others where intimacy was involved? Several more unanswered questions arose; can I love more than one person at a time? How will I overcome jealousy, possessiveness and guilt? And finally, how will I grow into a real desirable human being who can live in the present moment? I am an inner-directed person so what others think doesn’t make a lot of difference to me. How I felt surely did matter to my Inner peace.

Since there were not any handbook or guide maps into multiple relationships, John and I set about to invite attractive and quality people, whom we met in our daily course of business, to visit, have discussions and show them our plan. We proposed to create an intimate group that would model an alternate lifestyle. Much like the theoretical concepts that Robert H Rimmer based his novels on, i.e.: The Harrad Experiment and The Rebellion of Yale Marratt. When John and I met up with Robert and shared with him that we were, in actuality, living his futurist novel concepts, he was quite surprised.

We relied on nightly therapeutic, extended family group sessions, to answer some of the same questions that I posed and more. It was necessary to examine old attitudes, perceptions and beliefs to see which ones were relevant and which ones should be tossed. Our sessions were conducted more like a fireside chat in the nude to keep us honest and truthful, with spontaneous sex occurring when the desire arose. The group consisted of three males and four females to keep the ratio of more estrogen to testosterone balance while adding more of a feminine touch and feel.

Our group bonding created synergy and fulfilled the basic needs required to have a stronger primary relationship bond. My dear beloved, John always said if you want to keep a marriage together, create a bigger one.